I think it’s worth the effort of a little bit of simple memorization.

BY BILL MURPHY JR., FOUNDER OF UNDERSTANDABLY AND CONTRIBUTING EDITOR, INC.@BILLMURPHYJR

For Inc.

Photo: Getty Images

Here’s a powerful strength I developed by solving a personal weakness.

First, the weakness: I can be a little impatient, maybe even a little bit lazy. I’ll follow through on my word, but sometimes my more complicated plans wind up abandoned.

But the powerful strength? It’s that I’ve developed radar for simple things you can do to improve your life.

Truly, the simpler the better, because I’ve learned that otherwise I’m not likely to do them.

I think that’s part of why I’ve been so drawn to the concept of emotional intelligence, and especially to the idea that there are very simple things you can change about your behavior — as simple as memorizing a few basic words and concepts — to leverage emotions and increase the odds that you’ll achieve your goals.

For example, people with high emotional intelligence keep five simple words in mind when they hope to persuade someone else of something, because remembering them guides their verbal behavior.

It will all make more sense if we simply list the words and explain what they’re meant to symbolize, one by one.

They’re alliterative — starting with p, just like persuasion: prefacing, prioritizing, pausing, politeness, and phrasing. Here’s why they matter:

1. Prefacing

Emotionally intelligent people become more persuasive by using a smart preface to whatever else they have to say.

If you want to persuade someone of anything — that they should buy your product, or go out with you on a date, or join your side of the jury and vote not guilty — you’re often best off starting out by being up front about what you’re going to say next.

Sometimes, you can be very direct: “I need you to show more interest at work, or I’m afraid you’ll risk losing your job. Here’s why … ”

But sometimes, you want to be more subtle:
  • “I have an idea I’d like to ask you to consider.”
  • “I noticed something about your performance today. Do you mind if I offer some advice?”
  • “I want to tell you a story; I hope you’re going to find it interesting — maybe even instructive.”

I’m sure you can appreciate the differences. The point is that you signal to the other person in a conversation that you’d like them to pay attention to what comes next, but you also work to signal that what you have to say is both useful and nonthreatening.

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