by Rebecca D. Minehart, Benjamin B. Symon, Laura K. Rock
For Harvard Business Review
ThomasVogel/Getty Images
We may have learned that we need to let people speak without interrupting but taking turns talking does not truly denote listening. And unintentionally hijacking conversations to advise, inject humor, empathize, prioritize efficiency, or insert ourselves into the speaker’s narrative is often done with good intentions, but may instead disrupt the human connection we think we’re forging. Recognizing when to shift out of our habitual styles and consciously apply alternative styles of listening and responding may allow for more effective and meaningful interactions
A good manager knows that listening is important, but too few people know how to listen well. Even common techniques, like “active listening” can be counterproductive. After all, merely sharing the amount of speaking time, or parroting back what a speaker said, does not achieve understanding.
Consider three common conversations:
Employee: “I’m worried about my presentation for the board meeting.”
Supervisor: “Oh, you’re doing great. It took me years before I could present without being nervous.”
Colleague A: “I really need a vacation.”
Colleague B: “You should go to this rustic resort in the mountains. I just came back from there and it was the best vacation I’ve had in years. I’ll send you the info.”
Patient: “I’m scared about this procedure.”
Clinician: “Your surgeon has done hundreds of these. The complication rate is low.”